December 31, 2017


Time flies...

Flipping through my 2017 journal really brings up uncountable memories that were deeply buried in my brain. I remember them at the back of my head, but rarely recall. That’s probably the best part of having a journal where I could pour my heart and soul without worrying judgement from anyone. 2017, has been a great year. Of course, there were sorrow and pain, there were struggle and despair, but there were also happiness and smiles, there were hopes and love. I cherished all the memories made in this year no matter sweet or bitter. The path I had walked this year may not be as adventurous, as interesting as anyone of you out there, but I have no regrets. Achievements were done, and I gained a lot from new friends to new experiences. The first half of this year was basically stuck in a-level, struggling to study and achieve for advanced level examinations. Constant midnight studies with earphones stuck in my ears with the accompany of soothing piano music or k-indies. Did stacks of past year papers from by topics to by years, it has been really hard but worth it. Trying to get all the biological mechanisms, the long ass biological terms like cystic fibrosis transmembrane conductance regulator, theories behind physical chemistry and memorizing the outcome and environment needed for organic chemistry in my head. Solving tons of mathematics questions and trying to solve mechanics questions by relating them to physics. A-level journey was stressful but thankfully, I met the group of friends who constantly motivate and encourage each others. We had fun together, we laughed and fool around during lectures, but we too, helped each other whenever we have questions about the syllabus. Truly glad to have them, a group of angels who are selfless. Lectures that I met were inspiring as well. They guided us one by one, willing to listen to us and help us in different ways, encourages us to ask without hesitating even if it is a question that doesn’t make sense. Specially thanks to my mentor who helped me throughout my university application progress, applying to a country that is totally uncommon, he encouraged me to chase my own dream. It was great to meet someone like him, no judgement, but encouragement. 18 months in college were memorable, thank you everyone. 

In my last birthday as a “teen”, I made two wishes and both of them came true. Achieved well in my a-levels, and being accepted to the university of my dream. Nothing feels better than working hard and eventually leading to success. It may not sound as significant to others, but to me, it was a dream comes true. Having the dream to study aboard in the kimchi nation as a regular undergraduate student since i was fifteen(?), and I worked hard for 4 years to get myself qualified to apply and finally accepted by several universities. Leaving the place that I was born in a few months, exciting yet thrilling. Mentally preparing myself for a new adventure in a new place, meeting new people from all around the world, eating the delicious local foods and experiencing the four seasons. Wrapping myself in thick clothing in the winter, watching the flower blossom in the spring, enjoying the sunshine in the summer and watching the leaves changes it’s colour in the autumn. There’s so many little things to look forward, and I am thankful that I am given the chance. 

Going on trips with family and friends were part of the beautiful memories made. From local to  overseas, all the roads that i have walked on were beautiful. Traveling around langkawi island with my group of a-level friends, visiting my sister who’re studying in taiwan, took a flight from taiwan to okinawa and going on a date with mummy in hongkong. Getting my disneyland bucket list checked in hongkong as well! Well, as the saying goes, one is never too old for disney! I’m looking forward for more theme park trip with friends in the future, might be the timid girl who are afraid of roller coasters, but I always force myself to at least go on a ride and it turns out really fun! (tho i screamed my lungs out all the time)

Ah yes! Also took the test of proficiency in korean this year, well the result was unexpectedly much better! 4 marks to the highest level is probably my biggest regret, if I did slightly better in writing, if I did more practices, if I get a few questions correctly, I’ll probably be achieving level 6. But oh well, it’s alright! Let’s try again in the near future for level 6! I’m currently just hoping to survive with my current korean speaking skills. As I have stopped my korean language lessons, I basically did not do any revision (im such a lazy bum), so I joined some language apps to communicate with the locals. Meeting the local koreans to learn better korean, and I have met a few of them who have been really helpful. I lost contact with some of them, but also kept contact with a few. The unbelievable miracle was I actually met a senior from the university that I am going to attend. That was also before I was accepted, totally unexpected. However, I am really glad that I actually met him, at least, worst scenario, I can still seek from help from him if I encounter any hardships when I just admit to the university. 

2017, well yes still single. Although people around me has been getting a partner, but yes I am still in the single and happy mood. I have obviously come to the point where let the love find me instead of the other way around, if it’s meant to happen, it will. Let’s just move on and live life to the fullest. Of course, I am really happy for those bbys who are in a relationship. I feel very happy when I listen to the adorable yet clingy love stories, I feel happy that you guys have a shoulder to lean on. Oh and in 2017, I had my first paid job, working as a service crew in a cafe. It have been almost 6 months, and I am still serving there. From zero basic to almost the most important person after the boss and manager, I gained a lot and learnt a lot of experiences that were never thought in schools. Without forgetting, I learnt a lot on coffees, I learned to drink latte to black coffee, then tried cold brew, cold drip and hand drip coffee. I always thought coffee is bitter, but nope, each kind of beans have their unique sweetness and acidity of different kinds. Being the junior when I first joined until becoming the oldest senior right now, I learnt on how to guide new colleagues and train them to be better. Glad I made a few friends over here, although most of them had quit for schools but we are still in contact from time to time. Meeting different people from various circles were truly eye opening. As I grew up in a pretty nerdy circle where studies are always the priorities, I do not know much about those who have no interest in studying. Well, as I picked up the job, I met people who quit middle school and enter the working society. Having a close relationship with the manager also allowed me to seek for advices from her, we enjoyed talking about travel and we happen to have a lot of commons which brought us closer to heart. She’s so willing to share her experiences with me which I really appreciate. I love listening to others and learn from their past, it always gave me courage to be better day by day. Of course, work meals had been either really good or just, horrifying. Sometimes we had chicken chops, bak kut teh or even salmon! There were times where we kept having baked beans and sardine, which turnt into my biggest nightmare now. 

On the last day of 2017, as usual, I went to work. However, there was something different. We had an reservation on an event for welfare children. I would say it was a great experience as at the end, I see differences between the foster children and ordinary children who are taken care by their parents. Foster children appreciates what they are given, they say thank you, they helped us when we cleared the plates, they are very polite and finished their food with minimal wastage. On the other hand, it was really saddening to see those who wasted their food, from children to adults. Chicken chops that were only finished half, salads and mashed potato are being wasted, and tissues are being shattered around the floor. Is this really how you educate your children? Well, it is just disappointing to see the situation. Honestly, I really wish to volunteer in a foster house to just simply chit chat and share my stories with the children, they have the purest heart. They smiled so brightly with only a simply "happy new year". They deserve more love than anyone of us, honestly. 

Promise myself to be a better being in 2018. 
Always remember to, love yourself.

December 11, 2017

dream, comes true.










October 23, 2017

topik II ?


好吧,这次真的只能怪自己不够努力。因为工作关系,星期一到星期六最多也只能一天一个小时马马虎虎地做一些练习题。休息天的时候也常因为有其他事情而耽误了复习时间。真的没有抱着太大的期望,可是我真的感觉对自己很失望。感觉真的可以做得更好,尤其是作文的部分。大概就是乱写了几千个字,然后自己写了什么都不知道的那种节奏。50分钟里面要写两篇,而平时也没什么在练习,所以更负担了。在规定的时间里紧凑的写完,可是我真的觉得自己乱写了一通。作文主题也真的太出乎意料了,就算以中文还是英文写一样的主题,我可能可写不出 所以,更何况用韩文。listening也真的不太有把握,感觉get不到的太多了。reading是我原本寄望希望的地方,希望可以用reading把平均提高,可是,我又死到很惨了。感觉自己不懂得生字真的太多了,很多明明找过意思可是真的没有记在脑海了。然后,因为reading都有长长的文章,自己也必须读大概两遍才真的比较明白。看着时间一点一点的流逝,心里也越老越紧张结果就开始读来读去读不懂。



자기가 부족한 게 너무 많아서 
앞날에 많이 공부하고 연습을 할게
더 더 더 열심히 하면 잘 될거죠?

September 11, 2017

random thoughts pt6.

it is a wrong decision to open up our heart to each other from the very beginning. 

if i did not talk to you regarding the incident happened, we would not end up like this. 

maybe, if we did not tell each other about our feelings honestly, we will still be close to each other. things happened, and there is no way to erase the scar you gave me. it might not be a very deep one, but it stills hurt. you once said, time heals but the scar remains and yes, it is pretty much true. time heals, i am slowly getting over the feeling i have for you but knowing that you avoided me, hurts. 

those days when you insisted to wear a matching outfit with me, those days when you would talk to me, those days when you would call me to ask if everything is okay, those days when i would always receive your good morning message. 

i heard from a friend, there is a very high chance where you will be leaving to united kingdom to further studies very soon, i was really disappointed when i heard it. i hate the fact that i heard the news from someone else but not you. remember when you used to update me your application plans or even your daily plans. but nowadays, whenever i texted you first, all i receive in return were your cold replies. do you know how much it hurts? you don't. When you told me we should stop contacting so often, i know things are changing. You told me even so, you still treasure me as a sister, as a friend, I am still important to you but do you really mean it? All i feel is, you wanted to cut contact with me, you labelled me as the annoying girl. Perhaps, i am the one who has been thinking too much. if everything goes well, you will be leaving on 20th, and that is less than 10 days yet you have not tell me anything about it.

i am afraid you will leave without letting me know in advance, if we are having a farewell for you,

how am i suppose to face you. 

August 11, 2017

hard work, paid off.

stacks of notes, stacks of books and stacks of past year papers. 

a level, of course i wouldn't say its the most difficult pre-university program as i did not experience the struggle of other programmes. however, it is obviously not easy, like it is really NOT. been through so many sleepless night worrying about exams or even small tests. surrounding myself with tons of past year papers from 2002 to 2016, forcing myself to finish at least 80% of the topical past year papers and complete by year past year papers from 2010 to 2016 in just 5 months. the A2 syllabus has become much more complex and detailed compared to AS level, everything we learnt were mostly new which made my life harder. but honestly, i truly enjoyed our syllabus especially biology, except the fact that i need to crack my head memorising those difficult terms, facts and detailed cycles.

i remember the expressions we said the most throughout our a level journey were

"is it too late to drop a level?"
"why did i join a level?"
"i am so stupid"
"lets just work in alam flora if we failed a level"
"cherrrr, how to do?"
"aHHHHHHHH, i wanna die"

yeap, that's basically our daily conversations. 

its a difficult yet beautiful journey. 
it is painful yet at the end of the journey, everyone did not regret.

we are not afraid of facing our results but we are afraid of facing disappointment. i believe everyone strive our best, did our best, went through so many late night studies, went through countless mental breakdowns or even feel like giving up at some point. knowing that i tried my best for a level, what if the results i get in the end is still a disappointment just like my mocks exam. 

fortunately, everything went well.

i was extremely worried about biology as i desire to do biological sciences for my bachelor's degree but A2 biology paper 4 was so bad, i still remember i was near to tearing up during the paper. unexpected questions, high order thinking questions, everything comes at once. i was not confident at all, but thankfully, i managed to hit the A* with 93 marks. i mean, whats make once more happy than achieving the unexpected. chemistry — being the most disliked subject that i did not want to enrol in from the beginning, i tried my best to understand in concepts and apply. chemistry is still kinda like a meh subject to me, but still i have to do my best if i am doing it. 91, A* for chemistry, it is something that i have NEVER EVER thought of since i was always sleepy in chemistry lessons, always not paying attention. i wouldn't say i am not happy with my maths, 85 with an A, but sort of disappointed and feel sorry to my maths lecturer. 

ah, and this is the first straight As in my life. i finally broke the curse of getting a B in all my important exams. (i am honestly so happy about it, not trying to boost or whatsoever so i am just really really happy for myself) 

✈            to more adventures.

August 07, 2017





还有你,哈哈哈 最近不知怎么突然走得很近。说真的我偶尔真的会觉得我们的情况真的在错的时间遇见了对方。也许,我们早些认识现在也许会不一样。可是没关系,谢谢你对我坦白你的真心。我知道我们在一起还是什么的几率不高,我也知道你喜欢我可能就是那种非常暂时性的喜欢。可是你真的在我心里就忽然有了一个很重要的位置,我也不知道何时开始,你有了那么一个重要的位置。几乎每一天都会有早安晚安信息,偶尔你会打电话来跟我聊天。而,昨天我刚睡醒原本满心期待看到你的祝福怎么知道真的 no sign of bday wishes from you 哈哈。就觉得你可能纯粹想戏弄我。也觉得你可能真的不记得,又或许说你从来没有去想过要记得我的生日。其实我内心是失望的,真的。有那么刚好那天早上你给我打电话,接电话的时候以为第一句会是生日快乐,结果通话了12分钟都等不到你的一句祝福。结果朋友在 whatsapp group 祝我的时候你才知道是我的生日。你都不知道我有多失望。

完全没有跟工作的朋友提起过自己的生日所以我当然没有期望他们会知道自己的生日。可是也不知道怎么的,就真的刚好那一天我们要填写一个新的 employment form 就要写自己的身份证号码嘛,写了很久朋友也有过目了一次可是几乎没有人发现。说实话是有小小的失望了 哈哈哈哈。可是当然不会厚脸皮到去告诉他们今天是自己的生日啊。就在我要去 break 的时候突然朋友说 “今天你生日meh” 哈哈哈 我当时整个傻掉。“嗯 我生日啊”,然后突然就唱起了生日歌可是真的感谢当时猴有客人,所以没有大肆宣扬 哈哈哈 要不然我真的会尴尬掉。

谢谢经理 (?) 请了我一块花生酱巧克力蛋糕还有谢谢同事请了我一瓶一直很想喝的 apple peach juice。如果没有你们今年生日大概真的很 lonely 哈哈哈。

当然每年的生日都上不了你们,中学时期最好的朋友,现在我依然是最好的 ♡ 因为大家都在忙所以只能约在星期日,虽然是 belated 可是我依然很幸福。真的真的很特别珍惜你们这一群朋友,也许就是那种会永远永远都好好的朋友。可能没有常常联络可是心里依然记得对方的存在,然后你知道对方会一直都在。特别是 T K E 真的没有你们的话是不可能会有一个生日聚会。谢谢你们在生日当天都发给了我祝福,谢谢你们永远都那么有心,谢谢你们一直都在。感觉已经到一个用言语表达不出的珍惜和感动,就真的真很爱你们每一个。

然后我突然发现我好像没那么害怕气球了,哈哈哈 可是我还是真的很怕它突然爆炸。我大概会喊到很大声,然后觉得丢脸死了。



July 09, 2017


i would say, it was superb amazing and i realised how much i love each of you.

thank you for the memories made, sweet or bitter, it will all be treasured in my heart. i really did not expect the trip to be filled with so much laughter, but it turns out super duper amazing.  of course, i obviously did not expect all the unfortunate incidents that happened in this short period of 3 days 2 nights. one of the friends had muscle cramp (or tense?) after being thrown out of the banana boat, one of the friends had a really bad stomach ache and it turned out to be something even more serious after the check up. the outburst of anger and sincere confession after drinking too much alcohol was terrifying. sitting in a car that has an average speed of 100km/h on the curvy road definitely feels like a roller coaster ride instead. thinking about it, it was my first trip without adults but only friends.

the first day was basically a trip to the cenang beach! the beach was more mesmerising than what i had expected. i thought beaches at malaysia is pretty bad before the trip but i totally changed my opinion of it after visiting cenang. being unable to swim, i choose not to enter the deep ocean, but i did enjoy the waves by letting it splash on my legs. it had been so long since i visited a beach and it was definitely enjoyable. i love the sunshine, i love watching blue sky and blue ocean. most importantly, it was really nice to spend time with friends at a beach.

cenang beach

the second day was definitely the best day, we went to langkawi cable car, kilim geoforest park and also fun fair! the scenery when we were on the cable car was truly beautiful. honestly, i never know that malaysia have such a nice place, which makes me go "wow" when i look at it. it was so breath-taking, i highly recommend everyone to visit and feel the beauty of nature with your own heart and soul. langkawi cable car also includes, sky bridge, skytrex, skydome and 3d art museum which is worth to visit once.

visiting kilim geoforest park was a spontaneous decision after we ended our trip in the cable car place, and of course, no regrets. we went for a 2 hours boat ride which includes bat cave, crocodile cave, eagle watching, interacting with fishes (lol idk man). the boat ride was really more interesting than i expected, knowing that i couldn't swim i was wishing for at least a life jacket. well, i can still flood if i fall into the water. but they did not ask us to wear one but i somehow feel safe beside my so called brother.

that night, we went back home at maybe 12+? i couldn't really remember the exact time but it was quite late. my so called brother said i can lean on his shoulder if i am tired in the car. i am not surprised that my heart actually fluttered since no one ever tell me all these. he is such a lovely and caring guy that probably every girl would fall for. knowing that he has a girlfriend, of course, i quickly let the feeling to slip away and no i did not lean on his shoulder because i really don't want to be the bitch (omg).

we left in the afternoon the next day, and the trip ended. i would say it was a memorable one but too many bad things happened. it is a bit way too dramatic to be written here so im not going to do that.

may the friendship continues until the day our hairs turn white.