September 27, 2014

clouds.

it's gonna be an english post since it had been a while i used english to write a blog post. & somehow typing in english is faster ¿



hello there my lovely little cloud ♡
to be honest do you feel disappointed when you visit my blog because i didn't update about your sweet sixteen? maybe you didn't la okay im just being self feeling good yey. but it's alright, even if you really feel so, no worries because here's a post dedicated just-for-you.



I guess your mummy already told you about our birthday plan for you right ? Yes, we did planned on that and that's like our very first plan. Our first time discussing about it was during after school activities, when you're busy helping teachers in the health room. Three of us, /i bet you know who right/ sat down at foyer A and started to talk about your birthday. We wanted to have a special one but it's somehow really hard. We ended up getting an idea of throwing you a surprise in your home, of course we won't do the surprise in school which is really lame. Let me tell you everything about it and I hope you don't laugh at our silliness. Here's the story behind it, your birthday is on thursday, so we actually planned like the surprise party will have four of us. Since we have chinese on thursday, panda and jw would go to your house after school to set up the "surprise" and both of us will attend chinese as usual. We planned to decorate your room with helium balloons and hangs some polaroids on the end of the string. We even think so hard on where should we get helium. I know it's kinda like a common birthday surprise but don't you think it's really sweet if it happened on you. We planned to print countless of polaroids and decorate it in your room, on your wall, on your bed and even behind the door but you might hate us while trying to get those polaroids down. It didn't success at last due to many reasons, but luckily we didn't go with the plan because we don't have chinese on your birthday as it is going to be ultimate plan fail. Then we planned to give you either a early or late birthday surprise but it's really hard to cope with the time where all of us are free, your mummy suggested us to have a birthday dinner with you in a restaurant but yeah, it's not successful at last. There is uncountable obstacles while planning this surprise and it seems like no way it's going to work perfectly. I ended up suggest that let's just make a special gift instead of a surprise since it's really hard to arrange a birthday surprise even though surprise might be more touching and precious. Now I truly understand that it's really hard to plan a surprise, really admire those people who are able to arrange a perfect surprise for their dearest, it needs a lot of effort and love hehe.



Giving up on surprise party, we moved on to the birthday present. Our aim is to make a creative and precious gift and I guess it ended up turned out well ? We still go with the polaroids idea, at first we thought of printing a lot of polaroids and that is it. It's lame, obviously. After thinking about it for many days, weeks, I suddenly thought of dream catcher. I have no idea why, but I guess you would like things that is meaningful and I hope I am not wrong. The dream catcher we bought is not pure white but with brown beads, but when it came it looks like what you have now. It was actually ugly to me at the first sight but after looking at it for days I find it kind of pretty in a different way too. Sometimes when we see things in another way, everything have a beautiful side, isn't ? Then we make a conclusion on giving you that box full of treasures as your birthday present because it's really cute to have a box that is filled with various type of presents. We was really excited for your birthday and panda and i are always counting down and guessing what your reaction will be like when you receive the present. Sometimes when we're bored, we will just popped a line like "omg xx more days to cloud's birthday ler, so nervous." /and of course it's in chinese/ Oh, and about the dream catcher again. The seller was really slow and we're like what if it won't reach before her birthday and worry of all kind of silly question. Luckily, it reached a few weeks before your birthday and the process of posting to panda's house was really epic. It's like the seller wrote her house number wrongly, like she replaced the last number to 'A' and the confused postman called panda to ask for her address. Our cute panda basically got scared and ignored the post man, and because she didn't really talked to the post man on phone, the postman send her a text message telling her that he has a parcel to send but our little panda was still scared & she waited until her father came back only she called back the postman. This is the epic process on getting the dream catcher. Let's move on to the polaroid, at first we was planning to print more of it so we picked lomo card instead of polaroid but when I asked the seller how long would it take to receive the lomo, she told me it will take 20 working days and I straight goes "we're dead" because it's like around eight more days to your birthday. Searching on and on, we finally decide to print polaroids because it would take a shorter period. I actually ordered on Friday, payment made on Saturday night, and she sent it for me on Tuesday, receiving it on Wednesday which was one day before your birthday. You know I was really afraid that they will delay or something because I really wanted to give you on your birthday, & yes, we're lucky enough to receive those polaroids last minute. It was going to rain that afternoon, maybe evening because it's around 5 when I received it. The wind was strong and the sky is getting darker and darker, I was like worrying will the postman delay due to the rain and when I was thinking, I heard the honk sound. My heart was like literally throwing confetti and rushed down to get the parcel. The worst thing right now is, the postman actually remember me because it's like I bought quite a lot of stuffs lately. The story goes like this, when I went out to get the parcel, the postman asked my name with a smile on his face, but I just ignored because I was too high at that moment. Then, at the very next day, the postman came again and it was my daddy's parcel. My mummy went out to collect and the postman asked my mum why didn't I receive the parcel, he even mentioned my name omg. You know how epic it is, my mum actually told me about it and it's so embarrassing. I guess this is all about your present hehe. I really hope you liked it, but I guess you did liked it. ♡

p/s : i am actually jealous of your dream catcher, you know its one of my favorite item.



While I was packing the present, I have an idea on creating a video of it like how you did to my birthday present. & I guess the outcome was pretty cool, I personally liked it a lot, I even lost count on how many times had I replayed it. Ya know when I was taking those photos, it was actually raining cat and dogs and this cause the lightning to be bad D: I ended up edited the light then followed by filtering the photos, then creating the video. When I was thinking what song should I use as background music, I totally have no idea! I was browsing my own playlist, and I found no song that suit you or the video itself. While I was staring at my playlist, the song "maybe" by yiruma popped out in my mind and I decided to use the song as background music and who knows, it suits perfectly! It's my first time using flipagram to create a video, so be proud because it's dedicated for you :b

You must be wondering why didn't I reply to your long thank note on Facebook and Instagram right? /maybe you're not/ Well, I actually wanted to reply but I guess it's better to reply you here as it's going to be more personal. I am afraid that some people out there might be jealous of our friendship if I reply publicly. HAHA. There are three very special days in every year, and the dates are 0308, 0209 & 2509. The day of birth of the three sisters who doesn't have blood relationship, but treat each other better than a pair of real sisters. We treat each other truly from the deepest of our heart, we don't hate each other secretly at the dark side and act like we're best of friend at the bright side, we accept the flaws in each of us and tolerate with it. None of us are perfect, there must be flaws in us, but we choose to tolerate and help each other.

Here's a little note from me for you // ♡
I want you to know that, I love you more than you can imagine. I may not show it out always but deep in my heart, I care. Sometimes when I saw you in pain, my heart feel pain too. I have no idea why, but I really hate it when I see you feeling sad but I could not help you with it. I love to see your smile, the one truly from your heart. Just like how you laugh while opening the presume we gave you, you know, you look like an angel when you laugh and smile. The prettiest face of yours is when you put a smile on it, of course, a real one not a fake one. We all have feelings, so we might cry over small things again and again. We might cry every night thinking a person we missed a lot. Tears might fall when we feel touched over a small action. Tears might burst out when we're superb angry over something or someone. Tears might fall out uncontrollably when we're stressed out. But remember, when you feel like crying, my shoulder will be here for you. My shoulder might look small and weak but hey, it's strong enough to support your head and let you lean on it. Don't keep things by yourself, it might hurt you. Don't let things hurt you, it doesn't worth it. Treat yourself better, begin your daily life with a smile from your heart, and tell yourself, "a day with warm sunshine will be better than a day with thunderstorm".



Be happy, & it will be your birthday every day.
; xoxo, for eternity, my favorite sister. 

September 13, 2014

too much.

{ 原文转自 }

不要太在乎一個人,否則你會失去快樂直到你放棄在乎的那個人為止。

太在乎一個人,你會因為他上臉書在線不跟你說話而生氣。
太在乎一個人,你會因為他不回你信息和電話而擔心。
太在乎一個人,你會因為他無意無心的一句話而改變自己的心情。
太在乎一個人,你會因為他的不快樂而不快樂。
太在乎一個人,你會為他的世界搞到昏天昏地的而失去自己的世界。
太在乎一個人,你會在失去他的時候失去理智,完完全全的失去了自己。
太在乎一個人,你會因為他而控制不了自己的情緒常常發脾氣,而他會因為你的小氣開始討厭你,最後你只會慢慢地失去他,所以在乎和愛一個人有七分就夠了,留三分來愛自己。所以不要太在乎一個人來折磨自己,要得要失不是你可以挽留和控制的,相信值得你在乎你的人永遠不捨得你這樣的折磨自己的,所以不要太在乎一個人了,不要再想他是否有什麼原因不找你,不要再為他找藉口來安慰自己然後繼續地為他付出…到最後你可能只會換來他的一句「對不起」或者是「不要這樣為我付出,不值得」。喜歡一個人要告訴他,想一個人要告訴他,想發信息給他就發吧,他不回你信息不接你電話就不要打了,不要再發了,不要太在乎了,答案都出來了…太相信一個人會容易受傷,從不相信人會失去好多,選擇付出和在乎都沒有錯,但是千萬不要太在乎一個人,否則你還沒有把在乎的人留住就連快樂都失去了…其實自己的不快樂都是自己自己造成的。

太在乎一個人,會被他牽著鼻子走,如被魔仗點中,完完全全不能自己。從此,你沒有了自己的思想,沒有了自己的喜怒哀樂,你以他為中心,跟著他在一起時,你就是整個世界;不跟他在一起時,世界就是他。
太在乎一個人,會無原則地忍受他,慢慢地他習慣於這種縱容,無視你為他的付出,甚至會覺得你很煩,太沒個性,甚至開始輕視,怠慢,不尊重你。
太在乎一個人,你無異於一支蠟燭,奮不顧身地燃燒,只為求得一時的光與熱。待蠟燭燃盡,你什麼都沒有了。而對方只是一個手電筒,他可以不斷放入新電池,永遠保持活力。
太在乎一個人,他會習慣你對他的好,而忘了自己也應該付出,忘了你也一樣需要得到同等的回報,他完全被你寵壞了。 不要太在乎一個人,這個世界上沒有人真正值得你那麼在乎的。
不要對一個人太好了,好得讓她忘卻自我。給他呼吸的空間,也給自己留個餘地,高興時固然讓人覺得壯美,但若他離開時,你如何收拾那一地的狼籍?
所以,在乎一個人不要在乎到十分,七分已經足夠了。剩下的三分,用來想想自己吧。

不要太在乎一個人,這個世界上沒有人真正值得你那麼在乎的。
太在乎一個人,會讓你失去自我,常常只注重他的感受,而忘記自己應該為自己考慮什麼。
太在乎一個人,你和他在一起時,他把他自己當成全世界,你不和他在一起的時候,他仍然以自己為全世界。
太在乎一個人,往往他不懂得珍惜,你為他所付出的,他認為是理所當然的。
太在乎一個人,你渾然忘卻自己,只想發條短信或是打個電話要和他說話,希望他這個時候也期待你的電話或是短信。
可是,這個世界就是這樣,就像一句歌詞唱的,愛一個人,別太認真,愛得深傷得就更深。想來道理也是如此,你如此在乎他,他就不知道自己其實也應該懂得關心下,在乎下你。

有的時候,真的,真的不要太在乎一個人,太在乎一個人會讓你自己緊張,更會讓對方透不過氣。
太在乎一個人,每說一句話,你都小心翼翼,期待能夠有好的回應。
太在乎一個人,每做一件事,你都考慮再三,希望她能夠被你感動。
但如果頻率太高,強度太大,
就好像坐在按摩椅上太久一般,
取而代之的是想要好好靜一下的需要。
如果這時還繼續強求下去,
然後你會發現,聊天的話題好像變少了,相處不再像從前當朋友般的開心自在。
她隨口說出的一句話,網誌上的一篇心情,可以牽動你全身的神經,有時讓你開心不已。
但大部分的時候卻是讓你魂不守舍一整天。 於是,你喪失了自我,成為一個為別人而活的人。

不要太在乎一個人,這個世界上沒有人真正值得你那麼在乎的。
當我們越是在乎一個人的時候,越難拿捏自己的分寸。
不是對她好到無以復加,就是賭氣強迫自己疏離耍自閉。所以,最簡單的方法,就是不去在意。
對自己好一點,努力追尋自己的理想。

无意中发现了这一篇文章 觉得很有意思所以就在这里分享分享。
感觉读过了开窍了。是时候 别太在乎了。

September 08, 2014

smile again.

懒惰,不是一时 而是一直。

末期考试已经在对面的咖啡厅等待着我了。而我 却迟迟不做准备迎接残酷的考试。怎么办?我真的天天告诉自己该努力了 再不努力 你一定会拿到全班最后一名 也有可能是全校最后一名。可我还是没有推动力拿书出来温习。也可以说是即使我拿了书出来 我的脑海里还是会装满一大堆与学业无关的废话 还是我的脑袋会自己拼出一连串的 drama 这样我还怎样专心啊 往往看着书 头脑就会不受控制地转到另一边 然后在哪里胡思乱想 得到的结果就是坐在书本的前面可是我的心已经去到了世界各地。


说实话吧 最近其实心情也没有很好。我也不能说为了什么不开心因为我也找不到什么明确的理由 就只是提不起劲。

i'm okay
but i'm not
i'm not happy 
i'm not sad
most of the time
i don't even know
i feel 
confused
i guess 
i'm just numb
i'm living 
but
maybe
i'm not.

那一天 我得到了你的答案。我發現自己是多麼的可笑 是我自己想太多了。一直以來 我總覺得有可能 你和我的想法一樣 就是放不下那一段感情 可是沒有 你早已拋下那些回憶 然後開始往自己的幸福起航 而我已經被你遠遠地拋在後頭 我一直告訴我自己 你走了 沒關係 可能你會回來找我 可是你沒有 我每天都那麼期待有那麼一天你會回頭告訴我你一直都沒變 只可惜 這不可能了。兩年以來 是我自己一個人心甘情願去期待我們有一天回想過往一樣 開心的在一起。我在你生命中 是否只是個逗留得比較久的路人甲?我好想問你 其實你到底有沒有愛過 還是你只不過是在偽裝 就算現在不愛了 我也只想從前的你是真心的 至少我們有過幸福回憶 至少我的生命裡 有那麼一段時間是因你而幸福。


與其失去一個作為朋友的你 我寧願把自己的心意深深的埋在心坎裡。如果你有喜歡的人了 勇敢去追求你的幸福吧 因為幸福從來不等人 想要得到幸福就要把握時間去爭取 不要想我一樣到現在才來後悔 一切都來不及了。加油。

一直有一個想法 就是如果我要出國唸書了 而我依然喜歡著你 我會約你出來 然後把一切一切都告訴你 我不求任何回報 我只希望你明白我的心意。如果我告訴你了也可以毫無牽掛離開這裡 因為我知道如果我不告訴你 我可能永遠走不出這裡 永遠困在一個沒有幸福的角落。我有一個願望 可能現在是不能實現 可是以後我一定會把這個願望給實現。我很像一個人拉著一個行李 耳朵穿上耳機 手上拿著一本小冊子 然後一個人去一個月的旅行 如果可以 我想去一個我喜歡的地方 可能會選擇去首爾和釜山 畢竟韓國是我最喜歡的一個地方 雖然它沒有想愛情海那樣感嘆人心的海景 可是在那裡就像找到屬於自己的幸福 無論再怎麼難過難受 在哪裡就只有開心不是嗎?還記得那時候在韓國旅行 有一種好不真實的感覺 下飛機的那一刻 我還懷疑自己是不是在做夢。嗯 為了夢想努力吧 不要再為你而煩惱憂鬱了 因為對你來說 我也只是個好朋友。其實你說我們是好朋友的時候 那時候我很心寒 感覺好像被 friendzoned 了 哈哈。

昨天你突然信息我 其實我很開心 你知道嗎每一次看到你的信息我都會第一時間回答 可是最可怕的是 昨天在我們的聊天內容裡發現我真的該放下了 可我知道這不容易 因為如果有那麼容易放下 我不會一直牽掛直到現在。從今天開始不要再想你了 無論多麼的難 我知道我可以克服的 既然下定了決心我會努力達成 比起你 去韓國留學更加重要 所以我會為了自己的夢想而努力。


就要去 camp 了 我真的很期待 因为可能在那里 离开了一个有很多很多和你有关联的地方 我就可以很开心很开心地度过那几天。最近 我也领悟了一个道理 “期望越高 失望越大” 这个看似简单的道理 我用了十六年的时间终于彻彻底底领悟了。对于你 我不再抱任何希望 只希望你过得开心幸福就好。

而我 会试着放下 然后一步一步朝自己的梦想迈进 因为我知道人人都有梦想可是实现的人不多 我一定要成为其中一个实现梦想的那个人。



中秋节。
昨晚和家人团聚在一起吃晚饭,无意中看见外公把最好吃的鱼肉夹给外婆 然后告诉她 “来,这块最好吃的给你。” 那时候 我的心里是多么的温暖 快乐。我发现原来一些小小的举动也可以那么温馨 就算别人都不把他当一回事 可是当你真正做起来的时候 对方的心理一定会有一阵暖流缓缓流过。然后 我突然领悟了 原来我的生命里 快乐其实很多 只不过被一个稍微比较大的难过给掩盖了 只要我肯把心房打开还是有很多快乐 因为我这个人就是很容易被一点小事给感动。生病的时候 妈妈的体贴 婆婆的关心 爸爸的问候 甚至于姐姐的嘲笑 我都会觉得好温暖 因为这是被人关心的感觉。朋友们的温暖祝福 让我早日康复也会让我的嘴角不禁上扬 因为这是在乎的味道。不开心的时候 有一个疯破子会静静地聆听 我很满足了 因为有多少个人会有一个可以毫无保留倾诉的对象。我的朋友不多,算得上知心的有三个 可是我很满足了 我不会埋怨 因为我知道你们没有义务对我好 然而你们愿意和我成为好姐妹 好朋友 我真的很幸运认识你们。



爱我的每一个人 谢谢你 你们真的令我的生活增添了很多欢乐。
伤害过我的每一个人 谢谢你 因为我成了更坚强的女孩。