September 11, 2017

random thoughts pt6.

it is a wrong decision to open up our heart to each other from the very beginning. 

if i did not talk to you regarding the incident happened, we would not end up like this. 

maybe, if we did not tell each other about our feelings honestly, we will still be close to each other. things happened, and there is no way to erase the scar you gave me. it might not be a very deep one, but it stills hurt. you once said, time heals but the scar remains and yes, it is pretty much true. time heals, i am slowly getting over the feeling i have for you but knowing that you avoided me, hurts. 

those days when you insisted to wear a matching outfit with me, those days when you would talk to me, those days when you would call me to ask if everything is okay, those days when i would always receive your good morning message. 

i heard from a friend, there is a very high chance where you will be leaving to united kingdom to further studies very soon, i was really disappointed when i heard it. i hate the fact that i heard the news from someone else but not you. remember when you used to update me your application plans or even your daily plans. but nowadays, whenever i texted you first, all i receive in return were your cold replies. do you know how much it hurts? you don't. When you told me we should stop contacting so often, i know things are changing. You told me even so, you still treasure me as a sister, as a friend, I am still important to you but do you really mean it? All i feel is, you wanted to cut contact with me, you labelled me as the annoying girl. Perhaps, i am the one who has been thinking too much. if everything goes well, you will be leaving on 20th, and that is less than 10 days yet you have not tell me anything about it.

i am afraid you will leave without letting me know in advance, if we are having a farewell for you,

how am i suppose to face you.