December 31, 2017

adiós.

Time flies...


Flipping through my 2017 journal really brings up uncountable memories that were deeply buried in my brain. I remember them at the back of my head, but rarely recall. That’s probably the best part of having a journal where I could pour my heart and soul without worrying judgement from anyone. 2017, has been a great year. Of course, there were sorrow and pain, there were struggle and despair, but there were also happiness and smiles, there were hopes and love. I cherished all the memories made in this year no matter sweet or bitter. The path I had walked this year may not be as adventurous, as interesting as anyone of you out there, but I have no regrets. Achievements were done, and I gained a lot from new friends to new experiences. The first half of this year was basically stuck in a-level, struggling to study and achieve for advanced level examinations. Constant midnight studies with earphones stuck in my ears with the accompany of soothing piano music or k-indies. Did stacks of past year papers from by topics to by years, it has been really hard but worth it. Trying to get all the biological mechanisms, the long ass biological terms like cystic fibrosis transmembrane conductance regulator, theories behind physical chemistry and memorizing the outcome and environment needed for organic chemistry in my head. Solving tons of mathematics questions and trying to solve mechanics questions by relating them to physics. A-level journey was stressful but thankfully, I met the group of friends who constantly motivate and encourage each others. We had fun together, we laughed and fool around during lectures, but we too, helped each other whenever we have questions about the syllabus. Truly glad to have them, a group of angels who are selfless. Lectures that I met were inspiring as well. They guided us one by one, willing to listen to us and help us in different ways, encourages us to ask without hesitating even if it is a question that doesn’t make sense. Specially thanks to my mentor who helped me throughout my university application progress, applying to a country that is totally uncommon, he encouraged me to chase my own dream. It was great to meet someone like him, no judgement, but encouragement. 18 months in college were memorable, thank you everyone. 


In my last birthday as a “teen”, I made two wishes and both of them came true. Achieved well in my a-levels, and being accepted to the university of my dream. Nothing feels better than working hard and eventually leading to success. It may not sound as significant to others, but to me, it was a dream comes true. Having the dream to study aboard in the kimchi nation as a regular undergraduate student since i was fifteen(?), and I worked hard for 4 years to get myself qualified to apply and finally accepted by several universities. Leaving the place that I was born in a few months, exciting yet thrilling. Mentally preparing myself for a new adventure in a new place, meeting new people from all around the world, eating the delicious local foods and experiencing the four seasons. Wrapping myself in thick clothing in the winter, watching the flower blossom in the spring, enjoying the sunshine in the summer and watching the leaves changes it’s colour in the autumn. There’s so many little things to look forward, and I am thankful that I am given the chance. 


Going on trips with family and friends were part of the beautiful memories made. From local to  overseas, all the roads that i have walked on were beautiful. Traveling around langkawi island with my group of a-level friends, visiting my sister who’re studying in taiwan, took a flight from taiwan to okinawa and going on a date with mummy in hongkong. Getting my disneyland bucket list checked in hongkong as well! Well, as the saying goes, one is never too old for disney! I’m looking forward for more theme park trip with friends in the future, might be the timid girl who are afraid of roller coasters, but I always force myself to at least go on a ride and it turns out really fun! (tho i screamed my lungs out all the time)


Ah yes! Also took the test of proficiency in korean this year, well the result was unexpectedly much better! 4 marks to the highest level is probably my biggest regret, if I did slightly better in writing, if I did more practices, if I get a few questions correctly, I’ll probably be achieving level 6. But oh well, it’s alright! Let’s try again in the near future for level 6! I’m currently just hoping to survive with my current korean speaking skills. As I have stopped my korean language lessons, I basically did not do any revision (im such a lazy bum), so I joined some language apps to communicate with the locals. Meeting the local koreans to learn better korean, and I have met a few of them who have been really helpful. I lost contact with some of them, but also kept contact with a few. The unbelievable miracle was I actually met a senior from the university that I am going to attend. That was also before I was accepted, totally unexpected. However, I am really glad that I actually met him, at least, worst scenario, I can still seek from help from him if I encounter any hardships when I just admit to the university. 


2017, well yes still single. Although people around me has been getting a partner, but yes I am still in the single and happy mood. I have obviously come to the point where let the love find me instead of the other way around, if it’s meant to happen, it will. Let’s just move on and live life to the fullest. Of course, I am really happy for those bbys who are in a relationship. I feel very happy when I listen to the adorable yet clingy love stories, I feel happy that you guys have a shoulder to lean on. Oh and in 2017, I had my first paid job, working as a service crew in a cafe. It have been almost 6 months, and I am still serving there. From zero basic to almost the most important person after the boss and manager, I gained a lot and learnt a lot of experiences that were never thought in schools. Without forgetting, I learnt a lot on coffees, I learned to drink latte to black coffee, then tried cold brew, cold drip and hand drip coffee. I always thought coffee is bitter, but nope, each kind of beans have their unique sweetness and acidity of different kinds. Being the junior when I first joined until becoming the oldest senior right now, I learnt on how to guide new colleagues and train them to be better. Glad I made a few friends over here, although most of them had quit for schools but we are still in contact from time to time. Meeting different people from various circles were truly eye opening. As I grew up in a pretty nerdy circle where studies are always the priorities, I do not know much about those who have no interest in studying. Well, as I picked up the job, I met people who quit middle school and enter the working society. Having a close relationship with the manager also allowed me to seek for advices from her, we enjoyed talking about travel and we happen to have a lot of commons which brought us closer to heart. She’s so willing to share her experiences with me which I really appreciate. I love listening to others and learn from their past, it always gave me courage to be better day by day. Of course, work meals had been either really good or just, horrifying. Sometimes we had chicken chops, bak kut teh or even salmon! There were times where we kept having baked beans and sardine, which turnt into my biggest nightmare now. 


On the last day of 2017, as usual, I went to work. However, there was something different. We had an reservation on an event for welfare children. I would say it was a great experience as at the end, I see differences between the foster children and ordinary children who are taken care by their parents. Foster children appreciates what they are given, they say thank you, they helped us when we cleared the plates, they are very polite and finished their food with minimal wastage. On the other hand, it was really saddening to see those who wasted their food, from children to adults. Chicken chops that were only finished half, salads and mashed potato are being wasted, and tissues are being shattered around the floor. Is this really how you educate your children? Well, it is just disappointing to see the situation. Honestly, I really wish to volunteer in a foster house to just simply chit chat and share my stories with the children, they have the purest heart. They smiled so brightly with only a simply "happy new year". They deserve more love than anyone of us, honestly. 

Promise myself to be a better being in 2018. 
Always remember to, love yourself.

December 11, 2017

dream, comes true.

好像是一個從15歲開始的夢想吧,而自從有了這個夢就常常把它掛在嘴邊,掛在心裡。為了讓夢想變成現實,做了很多付出。也許在別人眼中那些付出不值多少可是就是這些一點一滴的付出讓我走到了目的地。

而,我付出的努力,也帶給了我幸運。


越努力,越幸运。」


熬過了多少個夜,只為了把那幾個小課題記住。
為突然迷失方向而崩溃了多少次。
曾經覺得,算了,可能自己就是沒有出國留學的運氣。
也試過懷疑自己的堅持到底是不是對的。

可是現在,我很感激自己的堅持不懈,
即使身邊的人都覺得我只是在任性。


好像是昨天的事,我嚷嚷说我要去韩国留学。幻想著實現的那一天,現在真的離夢想更近一步了,而我,也開始有了一些沒想過自己會有的的感覺和感受。那天,查了入學成績。成功被錄取了,當下的心情真的就整個被開心籠罩然後因為在工作真的不能好好讀一遍錄取的郵件。放工了,回到家,開心興奮突然消失了,留下的是擔心和不捨。一個人在外,我真的會過得幸福嗎。那爸爸媽媽婆婆在家裡真的可以嗎。回到了房間,突然就覺得自己就快離開這熟悉的床鋪還有熟悉的味道了。以後還跟別人一起生活,我應付得來嗎。心裡不禁有了這些顧慮和擔憂,怎麼之前都沒想到這些。只是盲目地想去留學,都還沒離開就開始想念了。我何時變成那麼感性,我真的不知道。我只知道,要離開了,我也漸漸不捨了。电话了也设置了倒数,少过100天,我就真的要离开熟悉的城市,去到梦想的国度。虽然不是首尔,可是现在离开首尔只剩下4小时的车程,离开釜山1小时的车程。

我还不能正真体会到说为梦想成真的感觉,我还在等待大学正式寄给我入学证书,我还在等待买单程机票,我还在等待很多很多的事情。生活看似一如往常,可是心里的感受却慢慢地在改变。偶尔跟家人吃饭,跟朋友见面,都觉得是时候好好珍惜了。下一次见面,下一次聚在一起,不知道是多久以后。只想说,谢谢你们。当然,你们会是我最不舍的一群人,跟我一起度过了青春,一起打拼了好多场考试,一起哭过笑过。真的还没有通知所有该通知的人,可是我会慢慢地让你们知道。不会不告而别,虽然真的有这样的念头


在各方面都需要做准备,从买行李箱到买琐碎小东西,都需要慢慢去完成。本来是真的想要在12月尾停止做工,可是不可能会被批准所有就说做到1月中就好了。怎知道刚说了这一句,得到的第一个回应就是“你可以做到1月尾吗?”其实听起来真的觉得像一个命令,当下真的有少许的不爽吧。就觉得,难道我真的不能为我自己着想那么一次吗。好像是考完试不久就开始打工直到现在,正真休息的时间没多少。难道我的要求很过分吗,迟两个星期离开也只是可以帮多几天而已,我离开是迟早要面对的事情。就这么一次,我不想再迁就别人然后委屈自己,我真的厌倦了。真的累了。只不过是想花点时间多在家里呆着,多和家人一起吃饭然后跟朋友见面。除了工作,我也有我自己的生活。我只能说你真的不应该强迫我留下来,对不起,在我离开之前,工作不是我的首选。




别怕,
一切都会好好的。