end of semester 01.

hundred twenty days in south korea, end of first semester that lasted for sixteen weeks.

countless of precious memories were made, 

experienced a lot of those that I couldn't experience living in my home country, 

I smiled a lot but at the same time, I cried a lot. 

There were times when I really just want escape from reality and go home, but strangely, being at the airport now, I am starting to feel sad for going home, there are obviously more reasons to go home but there is a strong urge in me wanting to stay. At some point, I felt regret for coming here but hey, made through sixteen weeks strongly. Too many things happened in this period, being alone in a foreign country is not as easy, but it had been great to have friends around to support me and honestly, it had been a really great month with you.

Went on trips, Busan and Kimhae, it was really fun to travel around, going on wrong buses and we just laughed our ass off without complaining. Being two dumb and dumber who has really bad sense of direction, we can't help but to get on and off the buses every single trip. It has been a really great semester with my one and only partner, sounds so sad but two of us basically hangs out together all the time. I can't imagine how lonely my first semester would be without your accompany.

17 credits are not that much but suffered a lot because almost 60% of them are a new subject to me.

Artificial Intelligence Programming I, 

Calculus I, 

Chemistry I,

Physics I, 

Chemistry Laboratory I,

Physics Laboratory I, 

Humanities Subject - Understanding Korea.

Honestly, it was really hard to me.
Most of them have basics knowledge in AIP but for me it was really starting from zero. No idea how to print a sentence out, no idea how to do maths with python, it was difficult from the first class until the very last class. Reading the materials given by professors and watching the videos (and fell asleep half way ended up have to replay several times) makes me feel like I do understand them but I just can't solve the quizzes every time. Calculus was total nightmare to me, maths was all about doing calculations to me but suddenly it becomes making explanations and reasonings. Whenever I do revision, it feels like I do understand the definitions and applications but every time a new questions came, I wasn't able to make connections. Chemistry was considered the subject that stressed me out the less, remember when I used to hate chemistry so much? It became my favorite from all of the subjects I did in this semester. Physics was so-so, being able to solve most questions from homework and group problem solving sessions but unable to solve quizzes and exams that actually matters (: sometimes, I just want to shoot myself in the head. Chemistry lab session was fun with my two korean group mates, the senior was so sweet she even treated me ice cream in a hot hot day! Physics lab session was (urm.... bad) in the sense of having a group mate that gives me headache but thankfully my buddy made it up! Also, the teaching assistant who are really friendly! Humanities class which I almost gave up on the first class because I didn't expect its about korean history and literatures, thought its going to be boring but hey, it turns out pretty enjoyable and learnt a lot about korea. Had a chance to talk about the difference between malaysia and korea as our final project was absolutely interesting. Honestly, this was the only class where I was able to make friends from other majors. Especially meeting the senior who are so helpful and friendly, I am sincerely thankful about it. 선배님에게 진짜 감사한말을 알려주고 싶다 ㅠㅠ 카톡으로 알려줬는데 뭔가 부족한 것 같기도 하고~ ㅠㅠ

About him,
There was 2 draft posts that were not completed but it make no sense to publish now since its over. I was naive, I trusted you too easily, I made the decision too quickly.

我曾很天真的以为你的一字一句都是真心诚意，也许吧，也许一开始有那么一瞬间是真的，可是我不知从何时开始觉得你看我的眼神慢慢变了。当时我觉得是自己想太多，是自己太敏感都说服自己没事 是自己太敏感了。可是现在回想起来，女人的直觉真的还蛮准确的。你一开始很贴心，你一开始很懂的关心，每次早上起床看到你的早安信息是最开心的事情，比你迟睡你总会让我睡的时候告诉你一声。可是渐渐的，你慢慢变得不会一起床就给我一个早安，有时我甚至觉得也许你还没起床，可是最后发现你起来了却一个早安都没有其实心里真的是痛的。也许有些人会觉得一个早安，没什么。可是你知道吗，这些变化真的令我很害怕。我只知道如果你真的喜欢一个人每天早上醒来最先想起的一定会是他。渐渐的你信息回复得慢，好，我不抱怨。我选择包容。我选择理解你。你开始还会发给我爱心，最后你什么都不发了，即使我发了，你也好像盲了看不见一样。最后，因为一个考试就这样拆散了我们。我不知道我该怪考试还是怪你，还是怪自己的天真。因为考试，我们没见面了三个星期。好不容易捱过了考试，我们约了三次，你爽约了三次。隔两天，你提出分手。可是你知道吗，你的每一次爽约，我都哭了。第三次的时候，我真的察觉到不对劲，我哭了好多次，我让自己不哭，可是我做不到。你说你不舒服需要去医院所以不能赴约，你知道我看到信息的时候担心真的多于愤怒。你需要去医院的原因明明可以让我大闹一场脾气可是我因为担心不闹，还一直问你有没有好点了 可不可以过去看你，而你，信息不看，电话不接，你就让我在这里瞎担心。最后，我哭了两天，整整两天，眼睛肿得恐怖。到最后看到你分手信息，我眼泪都流不出来了。

我曾以为你很贴心，可是到最后才发现你对我其实一点都不上心。

因为认识了一个朋友，我们还蛮好聊的。也真的因为他，让我发现你真的不太看重我。我发现你以前除了去运动，去学校，基本上都不会跟我说你去哪里。有时约你早上你说不得空有事情要忙，问你什么事，你也从来不交代都草草带过，我也真的拿出了我最大的包容觉得，好吧，个人空间还是要有的。可是你知道吗，就一个朋友，我不问他会自己来跟我分享今天都做了什么，明天有什么计划。我生病跟他说他每天最问病情一直让我去看医生，而你，我记得有一次跟你说不舒服你也就当天关心了一下过后就没了这回事，可是你生病的时候我真的每天都在担心。那时候你跟朋友去玩，我让你拍拍照给我看，而你没有。可是这朋友，发了好多照片给我，早餐 午餐 晚餐 住宿 甚至跟朋友的照片都发给我看。我就真的突然发现为什么一个朋友可以这样对我而你，身为男朋友却做不到。你也好像从来不接我的电话，一开始还跟我说你一定会接，可是你从来不接。明明跟你一起的时候你看到朋友的未接电话你也会打一通回去，可是你从来不回电给我。我们好像真的只通过一次电话，还是我问你可不可以通电话过后，而那通电话也不长。可是你懂吗，这朋友我们一通电话半个小时。他无聊没事就问我要不要通电话。我跟他聊的一通电话已经远远超过了跟你。

也不是想做比较只是好像真的到了最后，我才恍然大悟，好像我从来不在你心里一样。

曾经以为我们可以一起去赏第二个樱花，可是我们连一个春天都没熬过。

studying aboard for the very first semester taught me a lot, it definitely forced me to be more independent, being at home, putting the dirty clothes in the laundry basket and they'll magically be washed and folded neatly then being kept in my wardrobe. but leaving without family means I have to do it on my own, forcing myself to wake up early on saturday morning to do laundry then fold and hang them nicely back into the wardrobe. eating alone is no longer something I feel ashamed or stressed to do, I learnt to enjoy time alone and I realize I would rather do things alone than wasting time to wait. I really hate it when my schedule being delayed just because of the endless waiting and waiting so I chose to do a lot of things alone.

and,
I began to realize the beauty of being alone.
it makes me calm, and somehow,
makes my mind clear.

well of course,
I still enjoy spending time meeting people.

to summarize,
it had been a great four months,
and definitely, more precious memories shall be make.

#started this post in airport, but only ended it now.

thirty eight.

23 march, the day you make me feel like the happiest human alive.
29 april, i feel like the stupidest human being to put so much trust in you.

thank you for the memories, it had been a really happy three weeks to me but the consequences after that is too painful to bear. having to type this blog post actually hurts more than I think, logging in and saw two draft posts that were never published, it was the unfinished blog posts about the time we shared, the road we walked together, I still remember how you always look at me with the lovely gaze and tell me you like me so much, telling me you would treat me well, but promises aren't made to be broken. Yes, you were nice in the beginning, but not anymore. You left me hanging without knowing what should I do next, compared to me, exams and friends are your priorities. But to me, I always try to arrange time just for you, I changed the plan with friends because I know it is harder to spend time with you, you was my priority. I woke up thinking about you, I fall asleep having you last in my head.

Remember when we first met? It was so hard for me to make the decision to actually meet, and eventually I did agreed. Everything were beautiful, remember when you was so sweet to me? Remember when you noticed all the little things, you make my heart flutters. Remember when you came to see me without earlier notice? That was so surprising and I was really happy that day. Remember when I almost fell from the stairs and you caught me? Remember that you always pat my head, remember when you always touch the scar on my hand hoping it will heal soon, remember when I get to lean on your shoulder when I feel really tired, remember when we ate together and you cooked the meat and gave me the one that were not burnt, remember when you always make me walk at the inside of the road, and you would wrap your arms around my shoulder whenever we pass by a group of guys, remember we went for the Ferris wheel ride together wearing matching outfit? I realise I remember all the small little things we did together. I am not sure why the relationship will ended up this way, where I am the only one who constantly missed you, I am the only one who always text you good morning and good night, I am the only one who put in efforts.

I am tired, I am really tired from being the only one who cares in the relationship. Relationship never work out if it is only one-sided. Having to stand the loneliness during your exam period, I understand that you are busy and I did not say anything isn't. I tried my best to fully understand your situation, I convinced myself that everything will be fine after exam as you promised, but no. I don't know why you changed so much after an exam. My emotion went from disappointment, to insecurities, to anger, to worry but now I feel numb inside. It has been a hard week, not being able to do well in exams, having to face this relationship, my head has been hurting, my body feels sick even though I am completely fine,  I feel okay, really okay but deep down, it feels like I am at the verge of breaking down. You are a beautiful dream with a miserable ending. I wouldn't hate you, I can't bear to hate you either. Relationships has never been easy to me, I thought this would turn out fine, I even thought of extending my stay after the semester to at least celebrate your birthday with you, I even thought of extending more until our hundred days anniversary, but I guess I will not have this worry now. I truly appreciated you, everything I said, everything I tell, was sincere. There are so many future plans we made together, you said you would visit Malaysia, you said we would go on a short trip on the coming long weekend, remember I said I want to watch a movie with you in the cinema, remember when we said to go cycle around taehwagang together when the spring flower blossoms. I thought we are going to go through four seasons together and go back to the cherry blossoms spot the next spring. I am glad that I stopped myself for buying cards and writing it to you, if I did, it will now be kept with me forever. If I say I am fine, I am obviously lying, how can I be fine. My heart aches, it is too heavy for me. Sometimes, I feel hard to breath, I know it's not from any physical problem but affected emotionally.

I always thought that I am not good enough for you, and some of you told me he is not good enough for me. After all, I guess it is true. Everyone has been telling me I deserve better, I deserve someone who is more sincere to me, I deserve someone who treats me better, you are the one who doesn't deserve me. I will try to move on as quick as possible, knowing there are more people who love me more than you, I will live my life for myself and for those who really care.

괜찮아 네가 없어도 잘 살고 있을거야 더 씩씩하게 더 당당하게. 이런 나만 보고싶은 나만 사랑하는 연애 계속 하는게 나한테 너무 힘들어 나만 울고 나만 슬프고 내가 힘들때 네가 바쁜가봐 알려줄 수 없어. 너 때문에 많이 울었지만 이제 안 할 거야. 잘 살아라. 나도 내 삶을 잘 살거니까. 그 동안 너무 아팠지만 고마웠어. 그때 네 얼굴만 봐도 기쁘고 즐거웠어. 이런 경험 상상도 못 했어. 예전에 아름다운 연애였는데 이제 행복한시간보다 아프고 힘든시간 활씬 많으니까 나도 그만 하고 싶어져. 같이 만든 예쁜 추억들이 잊지 못 할 것 같지만 잊어버린위해 노력해볼께. 같이 걸었던 길도 다시 지나가면 꼭 생각날 것 같아. 그래도 함드니까 이제 그만하고 싶어. 친구들이 다 이렇게 말했어, 오늘까지 슬퍼도돼 오늘까지 미치게 울어도 돼, 앞으로 네 생각하지 말고 자기위해만 산대. 그렇게 할게. 나도 행복하게 살고 싶어. 이런 일상에서 도망가고 싶어.

그래서,
잘 가.

pouring out.

sixty fifth day.

I wouldn't say so far so good, because it is not.

If I have to question myself did I work hard for the first half of the semester, I would undoubtedly answer yes. So far, I have been trying my best to keep up with pre-class studies, handing in assignments on time, doing my best for quizzes, preparing for mid-terms but nothing seems to be in sync. I have put in efforts, a lot of efforts, but it seems like there was no output from the efforts I have made. Staying up to 2 at midnight has become a daily routine, setting at least 3 alarms to wake up at 7 in the morning to shower then continue with studies before going to class has become something so natural to do. My body seems to be adjusted to this kind of lifestyle, but my brain is not doing its job. Some told me that "Hey, studying or not studying in university does not make a difference, you fail anyway." Honestly, I don't believe in that until I actually experience it. It had been a long and tough 3 weeks, having to keep up with assignments, quizzes and classes but also prepare for midterms. I barely have time for myself, I barely have time to even take a long sleep for a night, depending on caffeine almost everyday to keep myself awake during classes. Yet, unable to do well in midterms. Of course, there is no one to blame, of course, it was my responsibility to face the reality. What bothers me the most is just, disappointment. I am disappointed at myself, I am even more sad because I have become a disappointment to people who loves me, to people who supports me. I feel sorry to my parents for sending me all the way here, yet I am unable to do well to repay them. Low scores actually did not bother me that much, I get over it, what bothers me the most was being unable to meet the expectations. I don't want to be a disappointment, I want to be someone my parents can proudly talk about, I want to be someone he feels proud of, I also want to be proud of myself. But, at this point, I really can't.

It has been more than two months, I can't blame the "adjusting phase" for not doing well anymore, I should already be adjusted and adapted. It feels like I have worked hard enough to deserve better, but life is not going the desired way.

Everything seems fine, heart is beating, I am still constantly inhaling and exhaling, everything seems beautiful, the weather is warm, the flowers are fully blossomed. But we all know, deep down in the heart, nothing is fine, things are not going towards the right direction, things are going backward. 

Nothing can be changed, anyway. 

All I can do now is continue to work harder, also try to figure out another more effective way to study. Midterms were over, results were finalised, the technology is not advanced enough to travel back in time. 

Its time to move on after finishing up this blog post.

departing.

아마도..
한국유학 가기 전의 마지막 글이다.

기분이 복잡한 것 같다.

너무 기대되지만
걱정도 되게네.

유학생활이 어떻게 되는지 매우 궁금하다.

看着离开的那一天越来越近了，嗯，真的开始担心看是害怕。甚至在某个瞬间觉得是不是不去了，觉得只是自己一直以来固执的梦想。原以为顺利入学了就会有方向感，可是我偶尔觉得好像突然遗失了方向。最终做的这个选择，到底是不是对的。至今还是会有时不时的彷徨犹豫。我不知道该说自己长大了，想得更远，还是说长大了，不再只看到眼前的快乐还在脑海里想多了很多“如果”、“万一”。到底是变得更成熟，会为未来顾虑，还是变得越来越胆小，常常都担心这个担心那个。虽然说船到桥头自然直，可是，万一我找不到桥呢。其实心情很复杂只是我从来都不把他表现出来，我很期待，可是也很害怕。别人都觉得我真的很开心因为这是我一直以来的梦，可是心里却有一堆只有自己知道的焦虑。从来都不是一个矫情的人，尤其是对家人。想要表现得坚强，希望他们别担心。也就快二十岁了，离开家也没什么好怕的吧，可是对于一个从来没有一个人在外地生存的我而言，其实还蛮可怕的。自己做的决定就真的不要再怀疑了，现在反悔大概也来不及了吧。机票买了，酒店定了，deposit也交了，要公证的资料也东奔西跑地做了，行李也整理好了，全都准备好了，就只有我还没准备好。

说实在，以前真的没想过自己会有那么多的担心，那时候只担心不能去留学。现在可以了，反而担心得不想去了。

反复不定。

偶尔又觉得，终于实现了这个不太平凡的梦。

可以在自己喜欢的国度，读着自己喜欢的课程，多好。虽然没有熟悉的朋友没有家人的温暖可是我相信在哪里，可以找到跟自己合拍的第二个家庭。认识不同的人，去氛围很棒的咖啡馆，体会不同的季节，看不同的风景，多么难得。

相信把东西搞好，安顿下来了心里就会安稳一些。

其实也很感谢啦，一开始爸爸不太同意去那里留学因为都要读韩文，也许会很辛苦。可是最后被一间英文教学的科技学校录取真的很开心。

相信在哪里我也可以慢慢发觉那第五城市的美丽奥妙。

希望，
一切顺利，留学快乐。

adiós.

Time flies...

Flipping through my 2017 journal really brings up uncountable memories that were deeply buried in my brain. I remember them at the back of my head, but rarely recall. That’s probably the best part of having a journal where I could pour my heart and soul without worrying judgement from anyone. 2017, has been a great year. Of course, there were sorrow and pain, there were struggle and despair, but there were also happiness and smiles, there were hopes and love. I cherished all the memories made in this year no matter sweet or bitter. The path I had walked this year may not be as adventurous, as interesting as anyone of you out there, but I have no regrets. Achievements were done, and I gained a lot from new friends to new experiences. The first half of this year was basically stuck in a-level, struggling to study and achieve for advanced level examinations. Constant midnight studies with earphones stuck in my ears with the accompany of soothing piano music or k-indies. Did stacks of past year papers from by topics to by years, it has been really hard but worth it. Trying to get all the biological mechanisms, the long ass biological terms like cystic fibrosis transmembrane conductance regulator, theories behind physical chemistry and memorizing the outcome and environment needed for organic chemistry in my head. Solving tons of mathematics questions and trying to solve mechanics questions by relating them to physics. A-level journey was stressful but thankfully, I met the group of friends who constantly motivate and encourage each others. We had fun together, we laughed and fool around during lectures, but we too, helped each other whenever we have questions about the syllabus. Truly glad to have them, a group of angels who are selfless. Lectures that I met were inspiring as well. They guided us one by one, willing to listen to us and help us in different ways, encourages us to ask without hesitating even if it is a question that doesn’t make sense. Specially thanks to my mentor who helped me throughout my university application progress, applying to a country that is totally uncommon, he encouraged me to chase my own dream. It was great to meet someone like him, no judgement, but encouragement. 18 months in college were memorable, thank you everyone. 

In my last birthday as a “teen”, I made two wishes and both of them came true. Achieved well in my a-levels, and being accepted to the university of my dream. Nothing feels better than working hard and eventually leading to success. It may not sound as significant to others, but to me, it was a dream comes true. Having the dream to study aboard in the kimchi nation as a regular undergraduate student since i was fifteen(?), and I worked hard for 4 years to get myself qualified to apply and finally accepted by several universities. Leaving the place that I was born in a few months, exciting yet thrilling. Mentally preparing myself for a new adventure in a new place, meeting new people from all around the world, eating the delicious local foods and experiencing the four seasons. Wrapping myself in thick clothing in the winter, watching the flower blossom in the spring, enjoying the sunshine in the summer and watching the leaves changes it’s colour in the autumn. There’s so many little things to look forward, and I am thankful that I am given the chance. 

Going on trips with family and friends were part of the beautiful memories made. From local to  overseas, all the roads that i have walked on were beautiful. Traveling around langkawi island with my group of a-level friends, visiting my sister who’re studying in taiwan, took a flight from taiwan to okinawa and going on a date with mummy in hongkong. Getting my disneyland bucket list checked in hongkong as well! Well, as the saying goes, one is never too old for disney! I’m looking forward for more theme park trip with friends in the future, might be the timid girl who are afraid of roller coasters, but I always force myself to at least go on a ride and it turns out really fun! (tho i screamed my lungs out all the time)

Ah yes! Also took the test of proficiency in korean this year, well the result was unexpectedly much better! 4 marks to the highest level is probably my biggest regret, if I did slightly better in writing, if I did more practices, if I get a few questions correctly, I’ll probably be achieving level 6. But oh well, it’s alright! Let’s try again in the near future for level 6! I’m currently just hoping to survive with my current korean speaking skills. As I have stopped my korean language lessons, I basically did not do any revision (im such a lazy bum), so I joined some language apps to communicate with the locals. Meeting the local koreans to learn better korean, and I have met a few of them who have been really helpful. I lost contact with some of them, but also kept contact with a few. The unbelievable miracle was I actually met a senior from the university that I am going to attend. That was also before I was accepted, totally unexpected. However, I am really glad that I actually met him, at least, worst scenario, I can still seek from help from him if I encounter any hardships when I just admit to the university. 

2017, well yes still single. Although people around me has been getting a partner, but yes I am still in the single and happy mood. I have obviously come to the point where let the love find me instead of the other way around, if it’s meant to happen, it will. Let’s just move on and live life to the fullest. Of course, I am really happy for those bbys who are in a relationship. I feel very happy when I listen to the adorable yet clingy love stories, I feel happy that you guys have a shoulder to lean on. Oh and in 2017, I had my first paid job, working as a service crew in a cafe. It have been almost 6 months, and I am still serving there. From zero basic to almost the most important person after the boss and manager, I gained a lot and learnt a lot of experiences that were never thought in schools. Without forgetting, I learnt a lot on coffees, I learned to drink latte to black coffee, then tried cold brew, cold drip and hand drip coffee. I always thought coffee is bitter, but nope, each kind of beans have their unique sweetness and acidity of different kinds. Being the junior when I first joined until becoming the oldest senior right now, I learnt on how to guide new colleagues and train them to be better. Glad I made a few friends over here, although most of them had quit for schools but we are still in contact from time to time. Meeting different people from various circles were truly eye opening. As I grew up in a pretty nerdy circle where studies are always the priorities, I do not know much about those who have no interest in studying. Well, as I picked up the job, I met people who quit middle school and enter the working society. Having a close relationship with the manager also allowed me to seek for advices from her, we enjoyed talking about travel and we happen to have a lot of commons which brought us closer to heart. She’s so willing to share her experiences with me which I really appreciate. I love listening to others and learn from their past, it always gave me courage to be better day by day. Of course, work meals had been either really good or just, horrifying. Sometimes we had chicken chops, bak kut teh or even salmon! There were times where we kept having baked beans and sardine, which turnt into my biggest nightmare now. 

On the last day of 2017, as usual, I went to work. However, there was something different. We had an reservation on an event for welfare children. I would say it was a great experience as at the end, I see differences between the foster children and ordinary children who are taken care by their parents. Foster children appreciates what they are given, they say thank you, they helped us when we cleared the plates, they are very polite and finished their food with minimal wastage. On the other hand, it was really saddening to see those who wasted their food, from children to adults. Chicken chops that were only finished half, salads and mashed potato are being wasted, and tissues are being shattered around the floor. Is this really how you educate your children? Well, it is just disappointing to see the situation. Honestly, I really wish to volunteer in a foster house to just simply chit chat and share my stories with the children, they have the purest heart. They smiled so brightly with only a simply "happy new year". They deserve more love than anyone of us, honestly. 

Promise myself to be a better being in 2018. 

Always remember to, love yourself.

dream, comes true.

好像是一個從15歲開始的夢想吧，而自從有了這個夢就常常把它掛在嘴邊，掛在心裡。為了讓夢想變成現實，做了很多付出。也許在別人眼中那些付出不值多少可是就是這些一點一滴的付出讓我走到了目的地。

而，我付出的努力，也帶給了我幸運。

「 越努力，越幸运。」

熬過了多少個夜，只為了把那幾個小課題記住。

因為突然迷失方向而崩溃了多少次。

曾經覺得，算了，可能自己就是沒有出國留學的運氣。

也試過懷疑自己的堅持到底是不是對的。

可是現在，我很感激自己的堅持不懈，

即使身邊的人都覺得我只是在任性。

好像是昨天的事，我嚷嚷说我要去韩国留学。幻想著實現的那一天，現在真的離夢想更近一步了，而我，也開始有了一些沒想過自己會有的的感覺和感受。那天，查了入學成績。成功被錄取了，當下的心情真的就整個被開心籠罩然後因為在工作真的不能好好讀一遍錄取的郵件。放工了，回到家，開心興奮突然消失了，留下的是擔心和不捨。一個人在外，我真的會過得幸福嗎。那爸爸媽媽婆婆在家裡真的可以嗎。回到了房間，突然就覺得自己就快離開這熟悉的床鋪還有熟悉的味道了。以後還跟別人一起生活，我應付得來嗎。心裡不禁有了這些顧慮和擔憂，怎麼之前都沒想到這些。只是盲目地想去留學，都還沒離開就開始想念了。我何時變成那麼感性，我真的不知道。我只知道，要離開了，我也漸漸不捨了。电话了也设置了倒数，少过100天，我就真的要离开熟悉的城市，去到梦想的国度。虽然不是首尔，可是现在离开首尔只剩下4小时的车程，离开釜山1小时的车程。

我还不能正真体会到说为梦想成真的感觉，我还在等待大学正式寄给我入学证书，我还在等待买单程机票，我还在等待很多很多的事情。生活看似一如往常，可是心里的感受却慢慢地在改变。偶尔跟家人吃饭，跟朋友见面，都觉得是时候好好珍惜了。下一次见面，下一次聚在一起，不知道是多久以后。只想说，谢谢你们。当然，你们会是我最不舍的一群人，跟我一起度过了青春，一起打拼了好多场考试，一起哭过笑过。真的还没有通知所有该通知的人，可是我会慢慢地让你们知道。不会不告而别，虽然真的有这样的念头。

在各方面都需要做准备，从买行李箱到买琐碎小东西，都需要慢慢去完成。本来是真的想要在12月尾停止做工，可是不可能会被批准所有就说做到1月中就好了。怎知道刚说了这一句，得到的第一个回应就是“你可以做到1月尾吗？”其实听起来真的觉得像一个命令，当下真的有少许的不爽吧。就觉得，难道我真的不能为我自己着想那么一次吗。好像是考完试不久就开始打工直到现在，正真休息的时间没多少。难道我的要求很过分吗，迟两个星期离开也只是可以帮多几天而已，我离开是迟早要面对的事情。就这么一次，我不想再迁就别人然后委屈自己，我真的厌倦了。真的累了。只不过是想花点时间多在家里呆着，多和家人一起吃饭然后跟朋友见面。除了工作，我也有我自己的生活。我只能说你真的不应该强迫我留下来，对不起，在我离开之前，工作不是我的首选。

别怕，

一切都会好好的。

topik II ?

“망했네...”
考完了韩语能力测试后的第一个心里os

好吧，这次真的只能怪自己不够努力。因为工作关系，星期一到星期六最多也只能一天一个小时马马虎虎地做一些练习题。休息天的时候也常因为有其他事情而耽误了复习时间。真的没有抱着太大的期望，可是我真的感觉对自己很失望。感觉真的可以做得更好，尤其是作文的部分。大概就是乱写了几千个字，然后自己写了什么都不知道的那种节奏。50分钟里面要写两篇，而平时也没什么在练习，所以更负担了。在规定的时间里紧凑的写完，可是我真的觉得自己乱写了一通。作文主题也真的太出乎意料了，就算以中文还是英文写一样的主题，我可能可写不出 所以，更何况用韩文。listening也真的不太有把握，感觉get不到的太多了。reading是我原本寄望希望的地方，希望可以用reading把平均提高，可是，我又死到很惨了。感觉自己不懂得生字真的太多了，很多明明找过意思可是真的没有记在脑海了。然后，因为reading都有长长的文章，自己也必须读大概两遍才真的比较明白。看着时间一点一点的流逝，心里也越老越紧张结果就开始读来读去读不懂。

我怎么办啦。

真的只祈求自己可以至少拿个第三级回来就好了。

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